your offer to “please me orally” is not the gift you think it is

Let me address something that keeps landing in my inbox dressed up as service.

if you are thinking of writing to me proposing to ‘please me orally’, as though this were an offer I have been longing for, read this carefully. It is not a gift you are offering me. It is a request, one to have access to my body wearing the costume of servitude.

That is not submission. That is entitlement in disguise.

Here is what you misunderstand: access to my body is not a starting point. It may a reward that is earned through service and effort. It is earned through rapport, through attention, through the deliberate work of learning what actually moves and pleases me, not what you assume will. Anyone can say "I want to please you." Saying it without any understanding of what is pleasing to me is an empty intention. Demonstrating your willingness starts with active listening.

what pleases me is mine to define and ask for if and when i desire it. it is not yours to decide, demand or schedule.

So if you are serious about wanting to please me, begin differently. Stop leading with your words and start leading with your attention. send me a tribute. support me and my work. spoil me. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Show me you can be taught before you ask to be used after sending me one email and before you have even met me in person. Consistency, patience, and genuine curiosity about my pleasure will take you further than a hundred messages announcing your intentions ever will.

You do not get to skip the part where you earn it. That impatience, the assumption that desire alone entitles you to access my time and my body, is precisely the pattern I have no interest in indulging but will gladly get you to unlearn.

Prove you can serve before you ask to be rewarded for it.